


we're as close to love as we'll ever get (i want to be your marionette)

by chemicalpixie



Series: glory and gore go hand in hand (that's why we're making headlines) [1]
Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Child Abuse, Child Death, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Infant Death, Italics, Mentions of Suicide, SHSL Despair - Freeform, smothering, ultimate despair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 09:07:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7568353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chemicalpixie/pseuds/chemicalpixie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“and it turned out there was someone who loved mikan's sharp, broken ends, and who kissed her hard, leaving smears of lipstick across mikan's face, and who loved her more than anyone else ever had. junko loved mikan harshly and carefully and gently all at the same time, and mikan had to be careful to remember that junko wasn't the world.”</p><p>or; mikan tsumiki's descent into despair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we're as close to love as we'll ever get (i want to be your marionette)

mikan knew everyone hated her. her parents beat her and snapped at her and her classmates snipped off her hair and teased her. she couldn't even fight them. she didn't know how. 

//

the only thing that made her happy was taking care of other people. she could heal other people in a way that she couldn't heal herself, so she fixed her classmates' scrapes and cuts and bruises and took nursing classes. if she helped enough people, she could almost forget she didn't know how to help herself. 

//

and when she went to high school, someone came to take her away from her parents, from their glaring eyes and wandering hands, and she accepted. she went away and found a class full of people she could help. they were all happy people who'd never been hurt in their lives, and mikan couldn't help but feel herself standing out from the others. they were whole and mikan was only pieces of broken glass. 

//

and it turned out there was someone who loved mikan's sharp, broken ends, and who kissed her hard, leaving smears of lipstick across mikan's face, and who loved her more than anyone else ever had. junko loved mikan harshly and carefully and gently all at the same time, and mikan had to be careful to remember that junko wasn't the world. mikan knew in her heart that junko's selfishness and possessiveness wasn't good, that it couldn't be good, that it would one day be the reason she shattered into pieces that no one could ever put back together again, but she'd never been loved (she'd never been touched) like this before, so she stayed. what else could she do?

//

and she couldn't stop the murders (even though if she hadn't been late, she could've been there, she could've done something), so natsumi and satou ended up dead, and mikan could only watch them bleed out helplessly on the cold classroom floor. and it was all she could do to not fall at everyone's feet and beg forgiveness for her failure. 

// 

junko kept her close after the murders, claiming she wouldn't want something to happen to mikan, but mikan knew better. junko didn't want anyone else to have her. she liked being the only one to see when mikan fell and exposed herself, to be the one to stare at her with cold eyes before helping her up. mikan stayed close. she didn't want junko replacing her. 

//

and then, junko told mikan about her plans. about the world's end, and the despair, and the high school battle royale. mikan understood. seeing the world burn would be so much more fun than leaving it be. 

//

“i need you to leave,” junko snaps. “you staying here will mess everything up.”  
“but...i love you,” mikan said, in confusion. she'd always pictured her and junko together for the rest of time. she wasn't sure what else she was supposed to see.  
“i know,” junko laughed, obnoxiously. “i don't love you. i feel nothing for you. how does that feel?”  
mikan stared emptily at the ground. how could she have been so stupid? of course junko didn't love her. how could anyone love her? “why?” mikan asked quietly.  
“because it was fun,” junko sneered. “and if you don't get away from me now i'm screaming that you tried to kiss me and then everyone will hate you even more.”  
“okay,” mikan said, and left. and once she was gone, she realized what she'd done wrong. trying to help junko had just gotten her a broken heart, so mikan vowed to never help anyone again. 

//

on the day the world ends, mikan is thinking. she's sitting on a roof, where she could easily fall (fall? jump? what's the difference, when it's the end of the world?) and she realizes that in another life, she would be a bride left at the altar, a ghost in white. she wait until the chaos has died down, and the bodies have cooled, and goes out into the city streets. there's a boy who's been shot in the arm, and she takes him in and bandages his arm and then smothers him as he sleeps. she enjoys the way his body kicks at her, as though he thinks he has a chance. _pathetic_. 

//

she finds herself at a makeshift hospital after that, somehow. the woman in charge obviously recognizes her and says, “oh, thank god you're here. we're short on nurses, do you think you could help us?”  
mikan doesn't say anything. she just nods, and they admit her to the children's ward. 

//

she smothers them all that night, except the babies, who, as she watches, _smash_ against the pavement below. the pink sidewalk is so satisfying to see. mikan smiles, and tugs at her hair in thought. if she has this much power, if she can kill this many children, she can do anything. she can _make_ junko love her again. 

//

mikan pleads with the woman in charge that she was sleeping and heard nothing. the woman actually believes her once she starts sobbing. mikan smiles to herself. people are so _gullible_.

//

the next group of kids comes in almost immediately. there's a waiting list for this place, this hollowed out office building that serves as a hospital. mikan doesn't kill them right away. she bribes them with sweets and tells them stories of her Love. they all laugh and tell her they wish they had a Love like mikan's. when mikan knows they would follow her every command, that they would follow her to the ends of the earth and back, she locks them in a room and tells them whichever one gets out alive will be her favorite. they rip each other to _shreds_ in _minutes_. mikan smiles. children can be so very _vicious_. 

//

mikan's Love loves her back. there is no other acceptable option. of course her Love loves her just as much as she loves her Love. mikan's Love loves her. of course she does. 

//

mikan's favorite part of working at the hospital is watching the babies waste away into nothing. if you don't feed them, they become little shriveled up husks, and they can't even cry. they just _squeak_ pathetically. it's so amazing to watch. 

//

when mikan hears the high school is empty, she has to go see for herself. has her Love survived the carnage that she wreaked? mikan gets there, and it's empty. except for the bodies. they're all propped up in a classroom, ready to learn. one has a bashed in head. mikan smiles. look at the students. she puts a band-aid on the one with the stab wound. that's mikan. she's always here to help. she keeps going, deeper into the school and finds her Love on top of a trash heap. her Love is definitely dead, so there's nothing to do there, but mikan knows what she needs to do. she takes out the surgical tools she stole from the hospital. they are covered in dried blood, and the only surgical tools the hospital had, but mikan needed them more. she's going to pass on her Love's genes. she will put her Love into her and then go _fuck_ anyone she can until she gets a child. and then her and her Love will have had a child together, and it will be _perfect_. but her tools fall to the floor, clattering sharply as they hit the tile, as mikan is grabbed from behind. their gloves feel like plastic as their nails dig into her arm. they shove a cloth over her mouth and mikan tries to scream, because how dare they stop her from her dream? how dare they keep her from her Love? _how dare they how dare they how dare they how dare they_ -

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Despair is How I Say I Love You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11989308) by [n00dl3Gal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/n00dl3Gal/pseuds/n00dl3Gal)




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